Allotment update May-2012

Here's a pictorial roundup of the allotment at the end of May 2012.

First a few of the flowers on display at present. Here's one of the irises beside the pond, a beautiful tricolour.

Here's another type in flower, a yellow flag iris.

One of the many chives in flower lining one side of the front plot path.

The Russian comfrey is in full bloom and attracting loads of honey bees.

Stately foxgloves are some of the first plants in full bloom near the pond.

And Linda's wild flower bit between the two front fruit trees.

A bit of wildlife next... here's one of the damselflies by the pond.

Another damselfly having a rest.

Some of the fruit growing... first, Barry's vines with developing grapes.

After the disastrous late frost last year, looks like we're in the clear and should have a bumper crop of plums.

And for the first time the greengage bush is bearing fruit. Never had greengage? You don't know what you're missing!

No room to fit in snaps of the gooseberries, red currants, black currants, strawberries, raspberries, pears, apples and cherries all bearing fruit, but here's one of the hop plants I'm hoping will climb up the grandchildrens' tree house so they can hide away in there... and I'll hopefully have some hops for home brewed beer!

The onion and garlic patch continues to develop well.

Linda's cabbage and kale all under cover. Who's that in the background, hammer in hand, fixing my poor attempt at a gate to the back plot?

The herb bank developing in its second year.

The pond really is a great place to sit and take a rest by and watch the wildlife.

Loads of fruit soon from the large polytunnel, with the addition of white grapes, tomatoes, and cucumbers.

Several crumble pies have been made by Becky and Beth from produce off the rhubarb patch. In the next couple of days it's my turn... be making some fruity rhubarb jam.

No space is wasted... here's more strawberry plants in front of the shed.

More salad vegetables planted in front of the coldframe.

The flower bed in front of the shed is filling out.

Various beans and peas.

The potato bed.

Parsnips, various lettuces, leeks and sunflowers at the top of the bed. Sure I've been saying this for the last three months... must cook the last of last season's leeks!

Pumpkins, butternut squash and courgettes all covered, with a row of canterbury bells running along the path.

Spinach, beetroot and carrots all just starting to appear.

And finally, the tomato rows, with beetroot just planted in between.

Chickens not laying?

One or more of your hens not laying? Worried you're not getting a full return on your poultry purchases?

A while ago I was struggling to identify the errant chicken and turned to my friends at the iVillage Garden Web forum for some amusing suggestions to the problem of how to identify who was light in the egg laying department. Here are the suggestions...

* Attach hairnets to chickens' rears and wait to see who ends up with an empty net.

* Kill one chicken to see if this reduces the egg output. If it does the culprit has yet to be found, so kill another and so on. As soon as the latest loss makes no difference to the number of eggs you know you've solved the problem. Tough if it's the last chicken alive that's the guilty one!

* Weigh the girls the night before and again after you find the eggs.

* Separate and feed each with different radioactive isotopes. Then check the resulting eggs.

* Use a pipette and drip a different coloured food dye on each nether region to streak the eggs and identify each layer.

* Invite them all to a meeting, inform them you're in the process of restructuring, there may have to be redundancies and explain productivity will be one of the considerations. Each chicken should be assigned a workstation and appraised periodically. After the consultation period is over the errant chicken should first be given a chance with retraining for a more suitable role, such as a course on self basting, or wine tasting for marinating.

Many thanks for the suggestions to Marlingardener from Texas and Heather38’s husband from East Coast USA.

Watch out, there's a right Titmarsh about!

I despair of the BBC at times. I don't mind paying my licence fee since I love BBC Radio 3 and 4. And BBC TV generally does comedy and natural history rather well. But some of the other stuff is desperate... too many repeats, an insistence on copying the worst of other channels (particularly reality shows such as The Voice and Strictly Dancing), and I don't understand radio stations that list their programmes by presenter (i.e. BBC Radio 1 and 2). And now worst of all... Alan Flippin' Titchmarsh leering out of the screen again!

All was going quite smoothly down The Legion last night. Holding my own at darts, with great hopes for a home run at pool and an evening's victory over my sons. Then it happened. The Chelsea Flower Show came on and there he was leering out of the 42 inch high definition TV screen. Had to stop mid dart throw to have a rant. Hardly surprising from then onwards there was a swift deterioration in my play, to the extent I hardly won a thing thereafter. Really put the mockers on my evening.

Consider myself a fairly sane and level headed chap and pretty even tempered 99% of the time as well. But there's just something about T*t*rse that gets me all of a lather. That smug face. The patronising tone. The fact he's likely to pop up just about anywhere on any topic. As soon as he appears I suffer a bubbling, fulminating, shaking rage.

It was almost acceptable when he just stuck to gardening stuff... at least there was a chance of avoiding him. But now he's got an afternoon chat show and his smug mug smiles out from dozens of books at the local garden centre. He's also described as a 'novelist' and has fronted several other TV programmes. Think I reached a tipping point when I found him waxing lyrical introducing music on Classic FM. Yes, the programme's called Alan Titchmarsh. And he's got another music programme on BBC Radio 2. Called Alan Titchmarsh. Fully expect to find him competing on centre court at Wimbledon this year.

I'm sure he's quite a nice chap in the flesh. But surely I'm not the only one to find him SO BORING! Forced myself to do some research by looking at his web site. If you're partial to a bit of terminal boredom you can read All About Alan. Probably the most useful part the site is Out & About: Where You Can See Alan... so you can avoid him!

Sadly he's so typical of BBC's gardening content. Dumbed down and so so uninteresting. Why can't we have more of the likes of David Attenborough and his Life Stores, whose explanations some time ago on BBC Radio 4 of the origins of potatoes and jerusalem artichokes were fascinating.

PS: His middle name isn't Flippin'... it's Fred. Why doesn't that surprise me?

PPS: I tried hard to get an image of the back of his head but failed. Must remember to delete this post some time in the future. Just my luck if, when I'm aged about 99 and can just about raise a digit to browse through my past posts, I come upon this one and, in generating my usual reaction, I peg it with a terminal seizure!

Allotment reenactment of The Burning Man

Hill Rise Allotment Association this morning held their Spring reenactment of The Burning Man, the event held annually in the Black Rock Desert in northern Nevada.

The representation was unsurprisingly limited in scope when compared to the surrealist original, reduced from a week to three hours, from Nevada to the allotment site, and from an attendance of over 50,000 to somewhere nearer 50. The weather also sought to remind participants that desert conditions didn't prevail... in it's third year, it's now tradition to pick the greyest, coldest and wettest Sunday in May to test attendees' mettle.

Nevertheless there was a real effort in other aspects of the event. With a strong gift economy in operation, visitors nevertheless insisted in donating to the tune of a net surplus of £45. And, having set up gazebo, tables, cooking stove and plant swap, the principle of 'leave no trace' was honoured and the site returned to its pristine condition at the end.

So here's a few snaps of the happy participants braving the elements...

Richard shows the way with an early cuppa to beat back the symptoms of hypothermia.

Everything set up and ready to go!

Gas stove at the ready for hot soup.

Here's Robin's carrot and coriander... also on offer was potato and leek, cream of garlic and squash with coconut cream.

Great selection of homemade cakes.

A small selection of plants for sale or swap.

Guess the plants competition... the winner got a magnificent seven out of nine correct!

The winner of the annual balloon race... my eldest grandson Connor.

A selection of attendees enjoying a chat and refreshments.

OAP ... Old Age Perks

It may sound quirky, but I get a real kick out of getting something for nothing just because I've reached the grand old age of sixty. Like it's a recognition for time served.

Popping into the chemists the other day for antibiotics (can't get rid of a chesty cough), I was about to pull out my £7.65 prescription charge when the lady behind the counter said 'Oh, you get it for free since you're sixty'. 'How did you know I'm sixty?' said I, thinking maybe I appeared further down the slippy slope to planet zimmer frame than I'd imagined. 'It's printed on your prescription'. Came tripping out of the chemists feeling all positive and happy... almost as though I'd been created a Lord and had earned the right to wear ermine.

Today another Old Age Perk moment when popping into B&Q for a light bulb. Noticed they do a Diamond Card for over sixties giving a 10% discount on Wednesdays. Suspect the day is nicknamed Wrinkly Wednesday by staff.

Filling out the form, it transpired I needed proof of my age. 'Well I don't have a passport or anything, but my right knee does give me gyp... will that do?', lifting up the offending object for dramatic effect. After the staff at both checkouts had fallen about laughing, and much to the embarrassment of wife and daughter standing watching the performance, the young lady said she'd trust me and I sailed out with a shiny new card.

Of course the ultimate OAP still eludes me and this month marks a milestone... it's now exactly one year until I get my ticket to freedom, to open roads and exciting destinations. In one year's time I'll get a little of that feeling the earliest North American pioneers felt as they trailblazed into Indian territory. Yes, in May 2013 I'll get my bus pass. And if you think the wild west allegory is a bit strong, you obviously haven't seen some of the 'wilder' parts of Fen villages when the locals are a tad restless.

But eagerly having sought out the online application form on my sixtieth birthday last October, deflated is a bit of an understatement for my frame of mind when I found the qualifying age had been extended. So if you feel inclined to wallow in that particular disappointment read Bus Pass Blues

Or read what some of the new grey pioneers have achieved at the links below. Can't wait!

Land's End to John o'Groats in 7 days and 40 buses
From Berwick to Lands End in 8 days and 33 buses
All of Wales in 12 days and 25 buses