Making gates

I'm not quite sure what's come over me recently, but in the space of a week or so I've been knocking up gates left, right and centre on the allotment, accompanied by the odd fence here and there. Suddenly the whole plot looks much more business like... but in my usual inept fashion I've also been knocking lumps off myself in the process.

It all started with a replacement for the makeshift barrier I'd been using for going on two years to keep the chickens off the front plot, where all the salad vegetables are grown. The barrier was about five feet high, made from triple layer polycarbonate and although heavy did the job. But with wife Linda taking an increased interest in the allotment it's days were numbered. Too awkward and not pleasant to look at.

So in went gate number one... actually the second gate on the allotment, the first being the allotment entrance installed by ace carpenter son in law Chris when I first took the plot. And since he knows what he's doing my first attempt was based on his design. Rather pleased with the result as shown above.

Since the chickens are allowed to wander the back plot when we're there some more protection was needed for the area planted with potatoes and winter squash. So in went my gate number two, accompanied by surrounding fence. This one a bit more functional, not quite as design conscious, see result at the foot of this post

Another area we'd been chasing the chickens off was the rhubarb and fruit bush section, including the entrance to the large polytunnel. Gate number three thus installed with a small amount of fencing. Although fully functional you can probably see my gate patience was starting to wear a bit thin at this stage. One of the posts didn't go in quite straight and I hadn't the energy to pull it back out and start again.

The whole exercise took a bit of a downturn when I smacked my left hand index finger with the sledgehammer whilst hammering in a post. We're talking about a serious bit of kit here, the type you can hardly lift with one hand and certainly not try and swing with one hand while the other is holding the post. I can assure you of that in hindsight... one almighty one handed swing missed the post, but not quite by enough to miss the knuckle of the index finger holding the sledgehammer. Result: a sudden intense pain as the skin from the top of my knuckle was ripped off.

Having dropped the sledgehammer like a hot coal (it's a miracle I didn't thus also break my foot) an examination of the wound showed what appeared to be knuckle bone. Bit of a mistake on my part to give it such close scrutiny... immediately started to feel woozie and wobbly and aided by Linda (who, since only being a titch, was in danger of being flattened by me) managed to stagger to a chair before everything blacked out. I came to some minutes later to the anxious gazes of Linda and surrounding allotment neighbours.

I have to admit to a history of passing out in similar fashion at the most inappropriate of times. Some years ago when daughter Beth was about four I took her into casualty to have a cut on her eyebrow sewed up. Since she was so young the doctor thought the best idea would be to wrap her in a blanket and for me to hold her on the bed while he applied the cross stitch. Before he'd even got the needle going I'd gone all wobbly and was suddenly getting more attention than my daughter as all the medical staff attempted to catch me before I collapsed on the floor.

Anyway, back to the latest debacle. The finger has healed up but is somewhat misshapen with a loss of feeling. I suspect I fractured something but the knuckle moves ok without any pain so I'm soldiering on. If it drops off might get a bit worried.

So the final gate, to give me access off the back plot to the larger and less used water tank at the rear, went in somewhat more hastily and with less design consideration (as well as less need for the sledgehammer). It's more than a little wonky and just (only just) slides into place but it does the job.

All this effort is timely... at the end of the month it's judging for the
St Ives in Bloom allotment competition, the first time I've entered. If I do get a decent award Linda will no doubt get all the credit since she's really taken an interest in the allotment over the last year. And I suppose that's actually quite fair... there's been more progress made in the last twelve months than the whole of the previous six years put together.

Off on holiday for a few days to Scone, Scotland on Thursday so the next post may not be for a week or so. And the new mobile phone's arrived (HTC Wildfire) so I've got some major fiddling to do!

My second gate protecting the spuds
Fencing around the spuds
My third gate... now suffering serious gate fatigue
The bit of fencing that nearly finished me off
The finger a few days after the sledgehammer adjustment
Oh, sod it... the final gate goes in as quick as possible
Chris' gate, which all mine are based on... hope my attempts are still looking as good six years on!

Walking the dog

It's been a bit of a struggle over recent weeks to post a blog, ever since son David broke his leg. One of the consequences has been a commitment to walk his two year old Jack Russell terrier, Jazz (or Jasmine as I've nicknamed him), twice a day. Bang goes up to two hours a day of valuable creative time.

I'm not a fan of slobbering hairy beings... not since the sons left home and even then only at arms length. So I viewed taking on the commitment with some distaste. But there was no other alternative and I couldn't bear to think of the dog being enclosed indoors all day with David... I wouldn't wish that on anything (only joking Dave ~:0). Neither did I want David to risk his leg healing by trying to exercise Jazz.

I guess Jazz wasn't too sure about me either when we started. Our first attempts didn't get any further than about 100 metres, with Jazz stopping every few inches to turn and look at the point where David would appear if he had just got delayed and would be with us any minute. It would take us half an hour to get that far, 5 seconds to get back.

In spite of my reticence I've gradually warmed to the task. There are still a few low points. I'm finding myself reporting Jasmine's bowel movements to David after every trip, and tending towards the Eastern way of eating with one hand only... the other's currently reserved for the operation of the poop bag. I did think I'd cracked it by using the latest technology, a plastic scoop handle that you put inside the bag to gather the offending items. Unfortunately it looks like Jazz's pooing habit wasn't part of the field trials.

He will insist on hopping in a circle as he makes his deposits so they're never one scoop or next to each other. Since the accompanying bags are quite small there were a number of technical hiccoughs with the first attempts which have caused me to go back to the dog bag equivalent of the stone axe. Oh, and one of the early things I learned when using supermarket plastic bags... make sure there are no holes in the bottom of the bag!

He seems to have a bottomless pit bladder wise, directing a stream of pee at every single lamp post and tree... It doesn't even have to be a tree at times, a small twig in the ground is sufficient for him to get the hose pipe going.

The other major low point is Jasmine's insistence on going for any dog within a mile radius of him, the bigger the better. As soon as he sees another canine he goes into a frenzy, teeth bared, throat snarling and using every ounce of his strength to get at his opponent. David says Jazz is fine with other dogs and 'may just give them a bit of a nip'. Maybe he knows another meaning of 'a nip', something like 'to grab by the throat and savage to death'. Either way I'm not keen to find out in practice.

So I've got into the habit of peering around corners to ensure a rotweiller isn't approaching. And I've got to know St Ives much better as, seeing a dog in the distance coming our way, I head up the nearest alternative route. I am trying to train Jazz out of the habit and can hold his attention with a treat long enough for the other dog to pass by unnoticed. Helps if there's a bus in between. It is a bit of a puzzle since a tiny tiny dog ran up behind without him knowing and when it touched his bum he jumped a mile. Maybe he's just nervous of other dogs.

But the old tune 'I've grown accustomed to his face' comes to mind (though since most of the time he's in front of me straining at the leash its not actually his face that's visible) as over the weeks I've got used to all the good points of walking a dog. Slavish devotion, the enjoyment he gets from me chasing him, how at times it seems his nose is permanently stuck to the ground, the way one of his hind legs will give a skip when he's happy. And just how uproariously, mindblowingly, ecstatically happy he is to see me.

One more major benefit... Jazz has helped grandson Sammy overcome his fear of dogs. Up to recently he was petrified of them and would scrabble up your leg until sitting atop your head at the first hint of a mutt. It was partly because any decent sized dog came eyeball to eyeball with him, but probably the depths were plumbed when a dog stole his sausage.

It's a bit of an understatement to say Sammy loves his sausages. When he understands about reincarnation I'll lay money on it Sammy will hope to come back as a pork banger. I always thought it a bit ironic that one of the most popular types of his favourite food was called after his biggest fear... hot dog. But one day, when he was sitting in a park with the object of his culinary love placed firmly in his hand, a huge dog came up blindside and wolfed his banger down. You can imagine his reaction when he turned round to see what the wet feeling was, only to be confronted by a hugh set of teeth wrapped around his sausage. It's a wonder he didn't need therapy.

But he's really warmed to Jasmine and they're now an item on the morning walk down to school. On holiday last week Sammy was patting everything in sight. For that alone the commitment has been worthwhile.

Saving David from risking the healing process to his leg has been a bit of a laugh, considering he's been biking it down to the pub some distance away and cycling Jazz put for occasional exercise across country. Still, I suppose I'd be driven mental too if I had to spend six weeks in a cast. It's coming off in just over a week... I hope!

More photos and video clips of Jasmine below.

Jazz dutifully waits for me to arrive about 18:00 each day...
Suddenly hears a noise outside & thinks I've arrived...
Stops for a rest mid walk...
Sometimes I get the feeling he's taking me for a walk...
Though this is the more frequent view I get as Jazz ponders life, the universe and everything...
Waiting for his best friend Sammy...
His tail's lost it's spring! Jazz definitely doesn't like the sound of the hosepipe...

Allotment security

Here’s some allotment security advice, since if you have an allotment it's a fact of life sooner or later you'll suffer at the hands of thieves or vandals. Even if you're lucky enough to have your site surrounded by high secure fencing that's no guarantee. So here are some things you can do to minimise the risk.

using_binocularsKeep vigilant

Serious thieves like to case the joint, so take note if you see a stranger wandering about the allotment site. You can hardly go up and accuse them… but finding a reason to walk near and then engage them in conversation may just be enough to convince the thief there’s a risk of you giving the Police a reasonable identification.

With children, often the cause of vandalism, it’s more difficult to take action if only because they’re so flippin’ cheeky! But you have a right to ask them what they’re doing on the allotments. Try engaging them in conversation to see if there’s anything of common interest that might be enough to avoid any wanton damage.

Of course you shouldn’t put yourself at risk, but if you’re suspicious report it to the Police.

bad newsReport every single incident to the Police

It’s true that, given the lack of witnesses, there’s little chance of finding the offenders. That shouldn’t put you off giving the Police details and getting a crime number every time something happens. That includes if you see something or someone looking suspicious. There may be a pattern that gives the Police a better chance of catching the offenders.

After a while all these reported but unsolved crimes accumulate on the Police records… and the Chief Constable doesn’t like lots of unsolved crimes. Makes the performance figures look bad. So your allotment problem will be noticed.

If you have enough incidents the Police will allocate a major crime number. Let all your allotment colleagues know to mention that number when they call the Police so all the records are linked to your site.

For our allotments at Hill Rise in St Ives, Cambridgeshire…

The number to call for the Police is 101

The major crime number to quote is CF-0232680551

Allotment-Watch-Logo Set up an allotment watch scheme

This scheme supports improved co-ordination between plot holders, the Police and the local Council. It also encourages plot holders to help themselves by following the advice above.

locked gate Keep the site entrance secure

You might be lucky enough to have a fence around the site, but all too often it’s the site access gate that’s the weak point. It only takes one instance of travellers gaining access and setting up caravans on the site to make everyone realise how lax things can become.

Plot holders think they’re helping the next colleague to gain access by leaving the gate open… if so it’s only a matter of time before someone leaves it open overnight in error.

If a combination lock is used to secure the gate plot holders can leave the clasp undone or leave the combination on the access code. Unfortunately they may be helping the thieves as well.

old allotment shed An Englishman's shed is his castle, but...

... unfortunately few sheds are built that robustly, so don't leave anything of value behind. When considering shed security there are two extremes as follows…

The Fort Knox approach
The natural inclination is to put a lock on your shed door. Unfortunately that signals to thieves you've something worth protecting. So if you are going to secure your shed make sure the lock is a good quality
close shackle padlock that's hard to lever or cut. But the lock is only as good as what it's attached to and most shed doors and frames are pretty insubstantial. Door hinges and clasps should be secured with threaded coach bolts and back plates or large back washers.

If you have a window either board it over if you don't need the light or fit wire mesh or bars. If the window needs to open you'll need a similar level protection as for the door. Growing prickly plants such as berberis or holly around windows will help deter intruders.

Battery operated shed alarms are available and your local Police may have them available at a discounted price. A large notice on your door stating no items of value are kept in the shed may help.

Cast an eye over your shed to check for any other vulnerable areas. If the walls are made from flimsy wood overlap you may want to consider lining the inside with plywood sheeting.

All that may seem way over the top, but anything less will mean your door is likely to be ripped open or the window smashed and the thieves gaining access. A bit frustrating if you really do have nothing worth stealing and the damage to your shed is the only loss!

The Laissez-Faire approach
The other extreme is not to put any security on your shed at all. Leave the door unlocked so if thieves want to check they can see you've got nothing worth stealing. Even better, make sure they have a good view through any windows so they don't even need to go in. A notice on the door to say there's nothing of value in the shed and therefore the door is unlocked might help.

This is the ‘security’ I use and in six years of having my shed I've never had anything stolen. I know trespassers have been in my shed occasionally and I did have a spade put through one window… and that's the risk with this approach. Although you might not suffer damage from thieves you are at risk from vandals.

allotment tools Protecting equipment
You can mark all tools and equipment with your postcode or with Smartwater, which the Police can probably supply at a discount. Alternatively chain and lock all your stuff together or attached to a heavy concrete weight. But it’s far far better not to keep anything of value on your allotment.
 
 
Veg theft Now where did those string beans go?
Unfortunately down the throat of the opportunist who, wandering past your plot when all was quiet, took a fancy to them. It’s sooooo frustrating to bring your produce to the peak of perfection only to find it stolen. The only thing you can do is place high growing vegetables such as peas and beans near the front of the plot to partially screen what else is growing. Thieves are after an easy get away and may not want to be caught right in the middle of your plot.


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